BROKEN HEARTS
A guys perspective
By Greg J. Kelly (Caveman)
There are a few absolutes in this world. Death and taxes are a sure bet. Swimming in a cold pool will shrink your little Irish Curse into a shriveled pea pod, and if you have a heart at some point in your life it will break.
Hearts do 3 things real well.
1- They pump blood
2- They break
3- They heal
Finally something I really know about.
If you are a human over the age of 30 you probably have a good idea of what I'm talking about. If your going through it right now then your probably not listening to a word anyone is saying, your consumed with your fog. You're in a huge temporary life altering shit storm and it hurts. I can however just about guarantee one thing...You will get over it as millions before have. But it still hurts, I get it, been there a few times, one of which put me in the hospital and several smaller heartbreaks that kinda felt like a good swift kick in the cobblers.
Broken hearts are no joke.
Where is she right now? Who is she with? Why did she leave? I need to talk to her? What am I going to do? How can I fix this?
Do you see any similarities with these questions? That’s right...Panic! In a way it's normal to panic. Your world is changing and you don’t have answers at the moment.
( refer back to the shit storm paragraph).
The hardest thing to do right now is exactly what you need to do most.
Take a deep breath and relax. Panic and trying to fix the problem is the absolute worst thing you can do especially if the broken heart is just setting in. The mistake I see a lot of guys doing ( which I did) is trying to fix the problem right now. Your 'right now' and her 'right now' have two different meanings. It's the wrong time for a lot of reasons one of which is your probably going to do and say the wrong thing which of course will compound the problem.
Most likely she is in a completely different space than you.
As men we have a tendency to want to fix problems, we find solutions. Car breaks down...We fix it. House needs painting...We fix it. Bugs in the kitchen...We fix it. Your girlfriend/wife just left....We fix it. Guess what?
Some things cannot be fixed the way we think it needs to be fixed.
Sometimes your silence and distance is the best tool for fixing a problem, it's also the hardest right now. Since I have no idea what your personal situation is I can only speak in generalities and my experience. I have come to believe this from talking to many many women all of whom say the same thing. By the time they walk out the door they have most likely had leaving on their mind for a long time. Their brain has left long before their body ( we're always the last to know).
Can you think of a last straw event that happened to make her leave?
There could be a silver lining at the end of this rainbow. A couple scenarios could happen.
1- She could walk through the door just like she walked out the door. She can do this on her own without a word from you, it can happen.
2- She may just need some time. This does not mean she is out whoring around in fact she is most likely feeling a big loss, give yourself credit, you have value to her especially if you both have spent years together. She may just find the grass is not greener on the other side but...As I've said, she may need time to figure this out and if your texting and calling 24/7 you are not giving her time, if she doesn't have time she can't think, if she can't think nothing will change.
Women generally justify why they need time, they will convince themselves they are right. If she is in her own 'space' right now the last thing she wants is you. Right or wrong, you may just be the problem right now.
I had a girlfriend who, I thought was totally happy with me only to call me up one weekend and say she couldn't make it over this weekend, OK no prob I said. Next weekend she calls and says she can't make it again because she slept with someone and is pregnant!
And it's my fault! It's my fault? What??!!
Do you see how they can justify just about anything sometimes? Wow..I'm still picking my nuts up over that one. Just when I thought I was beginning to understand the female motherboard. Yikes.
3- The end of your story has not been written. I can remember, several times feeling like dying because some girl had left me. I cried, I tried, I begged, I played every card I could think of. Lo and behold as time went by I slowly got stronger, she realized that maybe I wasn't so bad and the cycle turned in my favor and she wanted me back. By then I had moved on.
Moral of the story is that your story has yet to have a grand finale. If she is gone forever you may, as hard as it is to believe, be grateful sometime down the road.
4- You may not want her back at all and are just going through a broken heart because of loss of some sort. Even if we are the ones leaving we can still have a broken heart.
RELAX RELAX RELAX
Give your brain a break and let time do some work.
Look guys, all I’m saying is back off for a bit, give her time and space and all this crazy blender head crap your going through may pass on its own.
Whatever is happening at this moment will be different tomorrow and next week and next month whether you open your mouth or not.
If the solution to your broken heart is having her in your arms again so you can start anew then let her see that you have changed and guess what? You can't change in 5 days and she knows it so if your babbling about how you now 'see the light' she will need to see proof, proof takes time. Stay on track. I’ve always said the the price we pay for the love endorphin rush may just be an equal and perhaps unjust sense of loss.
Hell, let's face it women are frigging hard to understand. Even on a good day with a clear mind and years of study I can barely figure them out. They are 40 gigabyte computer motherboards with 74 terabyte backups, we are 49 cent plastic light switches...On or off.
OK guys, relax, have faith in time, do what you need to get through this time, stay busy, eat right, try to exercise, don't go near any other women for awhile, get strong on your own. I know it's the natural reaction to feel wanted again but you'll just end up in another crapper before you get out of the current crapper. If your woman does come back the last thing you want to do is start off with a lie and hide the fact that you had meaningless monkey sex with some chick named Trixie, Destiny or Wanda. Play it straight, heal, be cool.
I'm on your side.
Greg is a graduate of Chico State University and currently has two published books: Surviving Divorce and Broken Hearts and Trigger Her Attraction a Caveman's Guide to the Mating Game which is now an Amazon bestseller.
He is wrapping up his third book: True Secrets of the Male Mind How We Really Think About Love, Sex and of Course....You.
Greg can be reached at greg@planetopoly.net
Check out the book here:
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