Doing It Together....

IT IS OK TO MASTURBATE, even when you are in a relationship.

An estimated 95 percent of men and 70 percent of women masturbate. The frequency of masturbation doesn't seem to vary much from study to study. Masturbation has always been a primary form of sexual activity since before recorded history as it shows up in pictographs and other primitive art. That should be no surprise to parents or pet owners.

It was only in Victorian times and the early 20th century that masturbation was seen negatively.

Today the most commonly held view is that masturbation is part of a healthy sex life. Very seldom does it lead to a problem. Still, we therapists see those who overdo it and those that do it to the exclusion of other sexual activity. I have treated these cases and many sex addictions, but these are rare.

Mostly, masturbation is a positive activity.

Masturbation may help if:

- You and your partner desire different sexual frequency

- You don't know how to communicate your sexual needs

- You do not experience orgasm in partner sex

- You are with a partner who for some reason, such as illness, who finds sex difficult

- You don't get satisfied even after orgasm

- As a couple you'd like to explore new areas of arousal and orgasm

- You have no partner

- You are new to sexual activity and want to understand it better

The simplest forms of masturbation are generally manual stimulation. This is not just stimulation of the genitals, but also of other sensitive areas of the body. Almost all humans respond to some form of manual stimulation. Lubricants from water to specialized lotions and creams help.

If you want more information about masturbating there are plenty of books and websites that show and tell ways. Pornography is widely used, but there are serious concerns ranging from issues of exploitation and addictions. Moral concerns still exist in some subcultures, but generally masturbation is viewed as normal in most parts of the world.

The important part of this article is for you to know that relationships, no matter how well they meet your sexual needs, can be enhanced by masturbation. Mutual masturbation and individual masturbation can be part of any healthy couple's sex life.

Most people believe it's OK to masturbate when you're in a relationship, but there are still those that expect that their partner should meet all their sexual needs.

That is one myth that needs to be put to rest.

Steve Litt has been providing psychotherapy for over 40 years. Steve was named Therapist of the Year by the Colorado branch of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) for 2010. Steve provides original content at SMARTERrelationships.com. You can follow him on Twitter at @SteveLittAdvice.

Steve W Litt, LCSW

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