Monday, April 20, 2009

Arguments, yes they are OKAY!

Differences in a relationship are normal and healthy! They are not road blocks. They are what makes him, himself and her, herself. Look at all the couples you know, even the ones you think are exactly the same, and I bet if you look hard enough you will see differences. For example, a couple might love to go to art museums together, but they might not enjoy the exact same type of art, and that is okay. These differences allow us to communicate, debate, and even argue. If we were both the same our conversations would be boring. We would both just say things like "Ya, I like that too." There would never be any questions. So these differences keep us sane in my opinion.
I love to debate things. Listening to others opinions and then giving your opinions is a wonderful tool for getting to know someone even if you have been married to that person for 50 years. You can always learn something new about a person. My personal opinion is that the best relationships happen because the two people involved understand they are going to have different opinions, and they don't love each other any less because of them. Arguments are going to happen from time to time in a relationship, but the one thing I feel is important is before the argument ends both parties say I understand you have a different opinion, but I still love you. Always try to see the other person’s point of view, even if you think it is wrong. Sometimes in my experiences it seems like we go through stages where we can't agree on anything and it seems like we just take the opposite side just to aggravate our partner. But, if you look closely you see that isn't necessarily the case. When you take two individuals and make them a couple people assume that they must be a perfect match. The perfect match comes from the understanding of each other not from liking the same things.
When you truly love someone you understand what is important to them, and if that is what makes them happy, you just roll with it. Now take a look at your relationship. Spot the differences in the two of you. Write them down. Put her likes and his likes down on the paper. Look at the other person’s likes, and circle the ones you have interest in. Put an “X” by the ones you have no interest in at all. Both of you study the list, take a step back and then debate things. For example, he wants to go to the baseball game and you have put an x by that. Well that would be a great thing for him to do with his buddies. Okay now, look on your list for his Xs, and find one that you could do with your friends. Bingo! You do that one while he is at the game with his buds. Here is the important part - find one on either list that is circled. Obviously this is one that you both enjoy. Either the next day or even that evening make sure the two of you have time to share that experience.
Lastly, don't be afraid to argue. It is not the end of your relationship. It is just a heated debate. If you have to fear losing someone because you disagree, then maybe you should rethink your relationship anyway. Even when you are in an argument you should never go to bed mad at each other. Snuggle up and remember why you love this person. You may resume the argument in the morning, but while you are in bed forget about it.

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