Want a Better Relationship? Then Fight it Out

Fighting and arguments in a relationship can be a very positive piece to your relationship.  It is the keeping things bottle up inside the usually has dramatic affects on our relationship.  When you can learn to fight fair, your relationship will benefit form each fight you have.  Actually the fights will actually start to dissipate to the point you just call them arguments or disagreements going forward.  

These are the type of advice you get from The Couple Spot, which is dedicated to helping couples reach a relationship status that is amazing.  If you wan too know more about The Couples Spot just click below. 

Click here to learn more about The Couples Spot

Communication 101

Communication 101 We all hear that communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. I don't think anyone can debate that. However, what if you are not the best talker or you have to think your feelings out before you say them? You partner thinks you are just being silent. Yet, you are trying not to say the wrong thing. If one partner is used to speaking his/her mind, it is hard for the other to get his/her feelings out. Most often what happens is the easy speaking partner will jump into the conversation before the less assertive partner finishes his/her thought.

To communicate when this is the problem takes effort on both of the people in the relationship. The more timid speaker of the two has to get his/her courage up and his/her in order before speaking, and the more assertive speaker has to back off a little and let the other partner speak at his/her own speed. Still, even at best there will still be some communication problems. Some things I might suggest to help with communication are as follows. First, try sitting back to back when you need to have a heated discussion. Sit with your backs touching, this at least gives both of you some comfort as touch is another important part of a relationship. Some people will be able to speak more from the heart when not having someone staring at him/her waiting for a reply. If sitting back to back doesn't work, you might try to write your conversation out or since we live in modern times text each other or instant message each other from another room. Something about conversing over the Internet gives people freedom from their fears of speaking. But, also be cautious of texting or emailing as one’s tone cannot be understood via written words.

If neither one of these ideas work, you can as a last resort try a mediator. If you have a close mutual friend you feel comfortable with, let him/her sit in on your communication or you can even get a counselor that can referee your conversations. I only suggest counseling if you issues are threatening your relationship. In closing, remember that words can hurt just as much as physical pain – often times more. If you never have kind words to express to your partner, he/she will feel less of a person and it could spin your relationship towards trouble.

If you need more help or assistance finding communication help, get online and do some searching. I really like a gentleman that goes by the title "The Tower of Power". Joshua Uebergang is his real name, and you can find his web site at http://www.towerofpower.com.au/.

Image from flickr and Indrasensi

Arguments, yes they are OKAY!

Differences in a relationship are normal and healthy! They are not road blocks. They are what makes him, himself and her, herself. Look at all the couples you know, even the ones you think are exactly the same, and I bet if you look hard enough you will see differences. For example, a couple might love to go to art museums together, but they might not enjoy the exact same type of art, and that is okay. These differences allow us to communicate, debate, and even argue. If we were both the same our conversations would be boring. We would both just say things like "Ya, I like that too." There would never be any questions. So these differences keep us sane in my opinion.

I love to debate things. Listening to others opinions and then giving your opinions is a wonderful tool for getting to know someone even if you have been married to that person for 50 years. You can always learn something new about a person. My personal opinion is that the best relationships happen because the two people involved understand they are going to have different opinions, and they don't love each other any less because of them. Arguments are going to happen from time to time in a relationship, but the one thing I feel is important is before the argument ends both parties say I understand you have a different opinion, but I still love you. Always try to see the other person’s point of view, even if you think it is wrong. Sometimes in my experiences it seems like we go through stages where we can't agree on anything and it seems like we just take the opposite side just to aggravate our partner. But, if you look closely you see that isn't necessarily the case. When you take two individuals and make them a couple people assume that they must be a perfect match. The perfect match comes from the understanding of each other not from liking the same things.

When you truly love someone you understand what is important to them, and if that is what makes them happy, you just roll with it. Now take a look at your relationship. Spot the differences in the two of you. Write them down. Put her likes and his likes down on the paper. Look at the other person’s likes, and circle the ones you have interest in. Put an “X” by the ones you have no interest in at all. Both of you study the list, take a step back and then debate things. For example, he wants to go to the baseball game and you have put an x by that. Well that would be a great thing for him to do with his buddies. Okay now, look on your list for his Xs, and find one that you could do with your friends. Bingo! You do that one while he is at the game with his buds. Here is the important part - find one on either list that is circled. Obviously this is one that you both enjoy. Either the next day or even that evening make sure the two of you have time to share that experience.

Lastly, don't be afraid to argue. It is not the end of your relationship. It is just a heated debate. If you have to fear losing someone because you disagree, then maybe you should rethink your relationship anyway. Even when you are in an argument you should never go to bed mad at each other. Snuggle up and remember why you love this person. You may resume the argument in the morning, but while you are in bed forget about it.