Ridiculous New Year’s Resolutions for 2026
Learn one impressive word per week and then use it incorrectly with confidence
Stop pretending I didn’t see the text and fully commit to ignoring it
Become “a runner” by buying shoes and telling people about it
Finally read the terms and conditions (or at least scroll slowly)
Drink more water but only if it’s fun, flavored, or has a fancy straw
Respond to emails with “Noted” and absolutely nothing else
Start every Monday saying, “This week feels different,” regardless of evidence
Create a budget that emotionally supports my lifestyle
Finish every jar in the fridge before buying a new one
Learn to cook one dish so well people assume I’m good at cooking
Take fewer screenshots I will never look at again
Stop Googling symptoms unless something is actively falling off
Go to bed earlier by loudly announcing it and then scrolling for an hour
Use the good candles instead of saving them for “later”
Become mysterious by sharing less and overthinking more
Unsubscribe from emails instead of angrily deleting them forever
Learn what half the buttons in my car actually do
Stretch occasionally and call it wellness
Stop saying “I’ll circle back” when I absolutely will not
Commit to at least one hobby I abandon by March
Finish watching shows I’ve been “in the middle of” since 2021
Answer “How are you?” with something other than “good” or “busy”
Accept that I am not a morning person and stop fighting it
Stop rearranging my house instead of cleaning it
Leave the house without checking the weather and live with the consequences
Become emotionally unbothered by minor inconveniences (selectively)
Actually read the books I keep buying
Eat leftovers before ordering takeout again
Stop saying “after the holidays” as a lifestyle
Lower my expectations but raise my snacks
Stop pretending I’ll remember things instead of writing them down
Learn one fun fact that makes people uncomfortable at parties
Be kinder to myself while still laughing at my poor decisions
No comments:
Post a Comment